August 4, 2022 Special to the Herald Times Columns, Opinion 0

Years ago, I started a tradition of giving a gift basket to expecting parents. It was for the firstborn child of couples we knew well. It started out as both practical guide and a source of humor for nervous new parents. I always asked that this letter be read at the baby shower aloud so that all the ladies could have a chuckle. I hope you enjoy it too.

THE BABY SURVIVAL PACKAGE: INSTRUCTIONS SIMPLE ENOUGH FOR EVEN DADS.

Ninety-five percent of your time will be used for feeding, changing, cleaning, feeding, burping, changing, feeding, cleaning and changing the baby. The other five percent is for sleeping. This is your sleep, not the baby’s. During the baby’s sleep, you wash clothes, blankets and towels. Use your 72 minutes of sleep well each day.

This bag of stuff, along with the book “Complete Idiot’s Guide to Bringing Up Baby,” common sense, unlimited supply of diapers, the 24-hour number to your pediatrician, a degree in engineering and tender loving care will assure a well-adjusted baby…well, at least an occasionally dry one.

To be continued next week…

By ED PECK – Special to the Herald Times

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